Obeying, Trusting and Waiting.....While Rejoicing?

It's happening again, my heart is twisting with pain, hope, anticipation, doubts, and love.  Why have I been called to this place of suffering?  I have been in this place countless times in the past four years.....waiting on news of another baby.  As of this moment, I have no confirmation that I will have my arms filled again.  God may never give me another child, though I believe He will.  I believe this desire to have children and adopt the orphan is from Him.  I believe that it was His plan that I lose Amber and Selah, and the countless other babies I never named.  So how can I rejoice in this place?  How can I trust a God who brings me to this place of so much pain?  How can I have hope after so much disappointment?

       " I waited patiently for the LORD;

he inclined to me and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction,

out of the miry bog,

and set my feet upon a rock,

making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a song of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear,

and put their trust in the LORD.

Blessed is the man who makes

the LORD his trust,

who does not turn to the proud,

to those who go astray after a lie!

You have multiplied, O LORD my God,

your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;

none can compare with you!

I will proclaim and tell of them,

yet they are more than can be told.

In sacrifice and offering you have not delighted,

but you have given me an open ear.

Burnt offering and sin offering

you have not required.

Then I said, “Behold, I have come;

in the scroll of the book it is written of me:

I delight to do your will, O my God;

your law is within my heart.”

I have told the glad news of deliverance

in the great congregation;

behold, I have not restrained my lips,

as you know, O LORD.

I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;

I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;

I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness

from the great congregation.

As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain

your mercy from me;

your steadfast love and your faithfulness will

ever preserve me!

For evils have encompassed me

beyond number;

my iniquities have overtaken me,

and I cannot see;

they are more than the hairs of my head;

my heart fails me.

Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me!

O LORD, make haste to help me!

Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether

who seek to snatch away my life;

let those be turned back and brought to dishonor

who delight in my hurt!

Let those be appalled because of their shame

who say to me, “Aha, Aha!”

But may all who seek you

rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who love your salvation

say continually, “Great is the LORD!”

As for me, I am poor and needy,

but the Lord takes thought for me.

You are my help and my deliverer;

do not delay, O my God!"

Psalm 40

I can have hope because I have been saved from so much more disappointment and death.  I have been redeemed from the pit of destruction and slavery to sin!  I have been given a heavenly Father who loves me and adopted me.  He loves to bless me and give me good gifts, just as I love to bless Lily and give her good gifts.  He causes me to truly rejoice in His work in my heart---which is more valuable than anything else!  I can continue to trust and plead with the Lord because He hears my pleadings.  So in the midst of obeying and waiting, I can trust and rejoice that I have already been given everything I need in Christ AND my Father desires to give me good gifts as well! So am pleading again for this baby.  Pleading that this would be the one to fill my arms, while knowing it may not be, and God is still good.  He is sufficient for me in this place of pain.