A Letter

We awoke this morning with very heavy hearts. The reality of losing another baby weighs down on us and satan presses in to steal our joy. He would love for us to doubt God's goodness. My wise husband started our day with a run around Cherokee Park. As the sun rose, and the rays pierced through the trees and warmed our bodies, we were visually reminded that the Lord's mercies are new every morning.

The very verses we used to choose Selah's name, came back to me as I ran....

Psalm 46

God is our refuge and strength,

a very present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, 

though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam,

though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy habitation of the Most High.

God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;

God will help her when morning dawns.

The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;

he utters his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord of hosts is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

Come, behold the works of the Lord,

how he has brought desolations on the earth.

He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;

he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;

he burns the chariots with fire.

"Be still, and know that I am God.

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth!"

The Lord of hosts is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

...and these....

Isaiah 42:16 

And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.

John 1:1-5

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

God is for me....He gave me life...He saved me from my sin and the wrath of God....Yes I grieve, question, and grow weary. My heart aches like you wouldn't believe....but ultimately, I am saved from things so much worse than losing another baby. My hope is that you all see this journey as a testimony of God's faithfulness through suffering, not as HIs lack of care. We do not see the hidden work of the Lord, but through His promises, we know it is for good.

We are not quitting. Part of our grief is the reality of starting over....waiting again. We desire another child and we ask that you would pray this with us. That God would be pleased to grant our longings...SOON, even this month. We are so thankful to all of you who have been walking with us on this journey.

My husband wrote this message.....
We thank you all for your encouraging messages and for prayers for us.
We have learned and continue to learn that adoptions are full of risks, heartaches and eventually joy. With each potential adoption we try to pace our excitement with the news we are receiving. With baby Selah, all the signals seemed to point to a placement with us. Even after delivery the birth mom expressed excitement to place her baby in our home. But then, to our surprise, she changed her mind.
While we are deeply disappointed to have come this far with no placement, we have no ill feelings toward the birth mom. We understand the gravity of the decision process for her. We recognize that it is ultimately good news that Selah was wanted by her mom. We are thankful that baby Selah was born, and we believe that she will be in a good home with her mother. We pray that God would give her strength to parent well.
Thank you for sharing in our joy this past week, and now in our sorrow. Thank you for your prayers and encouraging messages. The Lord is good to us through you.